I appreciate the compliment. Whether it’s makeup, what I wear, or how I speak, I put in a lot of effort in how I present myself every day.
It’s takes a lot of work to put on a smile, especially when my back feels like it’s going to collapse in on itself or my uterus keeps trying to claw its way out of my vag.
And pretending happens anywhere I go. At home, work, with friends and family and at events throughout the year. Endometriosis sucks the life out of me; I have to act like a “normal person” everywhere I go just to have a semi-decent life. It’s exhausting.
Having an invisible illness means that for the most part people look at me and just assume I have it all together. That because I got that surgery awhile back and took “took those seven weeks off” for recovery, so I must be cured.
They don’t see the eight pills I take every morning just to function. Yes, eight pills. Then all the of the pain medication that I may take throughout the day. Plus the alternative ways I may choose to treat myself: heating pad, ice pack, ginger tea, various types of oils, turmeric pills… the list goes on.
To top that off, endo warriors, myself included, have a plethora of bowel and urinary frustrations, so we might go the bathroom more than 20 times a day (or more).
I’m four months out from my surgery and all I’m thinking about is whether I feel better or worse. I’m always tired. My back hurts. I just had an X-ray, Fortunately, nothing scary popped showed up but my doctor wants me to continue my PT sessions for awhile.
I’m also getting an MRI soon to check my nerves. I’m exhausted.
You can see it in my face, when I don’t have on makeup. I’m carrying around a lot of stress, but I’m learning ways to cope. The nausea is ongoing, ever present and never subsides. I hardly eat.
I’m already stressed about my next surgery…